Diary: Draft of a letter intended for her sister Inge but never sent, Blumberg, undated [November/December 1941]
I’ve received four batches of mail from you since Saturday. Very many thanks. The card repeating my requests wasn’t a mark of impatience. Not being able to recall what I had or hadn’t already said, I simply sent off another list to be on the safe side. So please forgive the bad impression it made. I realize how busy you are. That’s why I hate asking you for anything at all.
The photo of Hofu looks very nice with a candle burning in front of it. I’ll bring it back in two weeks’ time.
About your letter on prayer (I haven’t read Deutinger’s little book yet – I’ll be able to answer your letter properly, if need be, when I have). This much in brief, though: I think I expressed myself incorrectly or inadequately. I think you misunderstood my reference to trust. All I meant was that we should simply entrust God with the worries we so arrogantly cling to and allow to depress us or drive us to despair. I don’t find that easy, because when I try to pray and reflect on whom I’m praying to, I almost go crazy, I feel so infinitely small. I get really scared, so the only emotion that can surface is fear. I feel so powerless in general, and doubtless I am. I can’t pray for anything except the ability to pray.
Do you know, whenever I think of God, it’s as if I’m struck blind. I can’t do a thing. I have absolutely no conception of God and no affinity with him aside from my awareness of the fact.
And the only remedy for that is prayer.
Inge Jens (Ed.), At the Heart of the White Rose: Letters and Diaries of Hans and Sophie Scholl, translated by J Maxwell Brownjohn, Plough Publishing House, 2017, p. 192.